Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
