you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
