i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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