I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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