I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Randomize
