dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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