Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
