just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
