Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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