I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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