dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
