He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
