Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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