Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
dude i'm inner monologue high
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
