you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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