that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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