So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
