I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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