I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
