Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize