I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
sarcasm needs its own font
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If I die, sorry about rent.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize