End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
