I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
