he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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