its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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