I'm pants shitting drunk right now
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
