Me too!
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
