It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
