I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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