Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
