you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
