if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
