I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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