I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
