Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize