Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Never underestimate the power of titties
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
