She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Randomize
