what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
