fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
