I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
