why didn't you poke me back
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Randomize
