I heard we made out
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
