Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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