I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize