Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
