As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
