My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
