His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
