He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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