Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
