so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
