That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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