My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize
