Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Randomize
