There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
