she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I party with great urgency now.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
