If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
