"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
