I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
