so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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