can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
