And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
