i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
