I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
