Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
