Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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