I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
