True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I want her autograph on my taint
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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