we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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