Swine flu. Run for my life!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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