Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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