And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
